How does the phrase ‘good boy’ make you feel? Have a think about the specific context – is it being said with sarcasm and spite, spat at you as a token acknowledgement of some pitiful task you’ve finally managed to perform for me? Or is it said with love – my shining eyes looking warmly at you, perhaps a hand stroking your face, as I sigh the words in delight that you’ve pleased me so beautifully?
I’ve talked before about the different kinds of submission – whether you’re the sort of sub who likes to obey immediately or struggle until I conquer you. But there are styles of dominance too, from loving dominance to something a lot more vicious. Which do you prefer?
The way the media portrays femdom is usually this latter type: big shiny latex boots and torture. Of course that has its place, and it’s incredibly fun (having a pliant sub polishing the latex on my latest outfit is, naturally, one of life’s great joys!), but I love exploring the gentler, loving kind of dominance too. The kind that purrs ‘good boy’ in a voice that melts butter as well as your heart, and is more lavish with praise than commands.
It’s worth thinking about because, as with knowing more about your style of submission, understanding the kind of dominance you respond best to helps me work out what makes you tick. I want to know, when I meet up with you, how best to build on our chemistry. Should I be merciful, or vengeful? Calm and loving, or vicious? Should I keep you guessing, constantly walking on eggshells around me so you’re never sure whether to expect my pleasure or my wrath? The more I understand about your kinks, the more fun our play will be.
Recently someone (you know who you are – thank you!) sent me a few examples of the kind of dominance he likes, via some gorgeous audio porn. It includes some beautiful little details. Along with the whispered ‘good boy’, in a voice like silk, there are those delightful commands-that-are-also-requests: “help me get the strap-on,” twinned with conspiratorial giggles. Some time soon we’ll talk about pegging, and why it doesn’t have to be a ‘punishment’, and in this kind of loving domination the pegging is a special treat. Something which, if you can shush while I lube up and slide it into you, will be a special reward for you being so good. There’s a possessiveness about it too which implies closeness – the idea that I’m not tying you up because you need to be controlled, but because I want to make you completely mine.
It’s not quite a sliding scale, because the loving domination can be combined with cruelty as well: perhaps you like being tortured aggressively, submitting to all kind of humiliating abuse as I simply laugh coldly at your torment… and it’s only once you’re spent and trembling that you need to curl up in my lap and have me stroke you softly and tell you to sssh. That it’ll all be alright and you did well.
That you’re a very very good boy.